Ms. Marydale Squirrel, 2005-2006

Marydale Squirrel, an avid eater of nuts and other foliage, died Monday of complications related to climbing fences.

Addy the Dog, the first witness, claimed she did not know how Ms. Squirrel died. She reported that she discovered the body when she was let outside around 4:30 p.m. Addy was trying to thoroughly investigate the scene when she was stopped by her mother, Chelsea.

Squirrel was remembered by other backyard citizens as a great daredevil, often scurrying along power lines, roof gables and other dangerous heights in order to find the best pecans among the tall Oak Cliff trees.

Addy was thoroughly washed and had her teeth brushed after the conclusion of her investigation, but sources report that she may be taken to Dr. Vladi DeJong for further follow-up examination.

Services for Squirrel are slated for Tuesday afternoon, with the Dallas Sanitation Department presiding.